Entries tagged "humor"
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
“We’re just trying connect in a sea of voices…”
In such times as these, I believe, it is important to laugh—at ourselves, with others. And vice-versa.
Friday, July 11, 2008
The Five EnvironmentsIf I am ever asked to give the commencement address at my former high school—and it doesn't look particularly likely, alas—I hope I could do as well as Patton Oswalt did at his.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Mendacity!Need advice? Ask The Stage Directions To Tennessee Williams' Cat On A Hot Tin Roof.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Over 200 dads left ceremony at intermission to go to nearby sports bar…
High School Tony Awards Honor Nation's Biggest Drama Club Nerds
Thursday, June 12, 2008
I’m voting Republican
Friday, May 23, 2008
LOL Match GameDumb Dora was so dumb, she thought O HAI was a ________.
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Giving myself the birdThere's a flock of birds in the tree by my deck whose call sounds like a wolf-whistle. When I need a self-esteem boost, all I have to do is step outside.
Monday, July 16, 2007
Why you shouldn’t use your phone at a concert
Sunday, July 15, 2007
links for 2007-07-15
"Everything was delightful up until the moment the bill arrived. It’s been several years since I’ve had such an awkward bill splitting experience." [via Torrez]
What now, bitches?
As told by The Sims. Brilliant! "So there they are, standing at the urinals, discussing the advantages of Open Source development..."
"Twelve commentators—including Tom Wolfe, Newt Gingrich, the SEC's Christopher Cox and actress-turned-blogger Mia Farrow—on what blogs mean to them." (Ugh. "Blogiversary"? Really? That's the word you're going with?)
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Dramatic chipmunkHonestly, I just can't get enough of Dramatic Chipmunk. (Yes, I know it's a prairie dog.) I watch those five seconds of video a couple of times every day and it always gives me a chuckle.
As do this melodramatic chipmunk and the Darthmatic chipmunk.
Kritters is funny.
Friday, July 13, 2007
Clearing the Cache: July 13, 2007
Nice desktop wallpaper, also available in iPhone format.
"Practice in 30-plus countries has taught me that packing minimalism can be an art."
"Rob Cole, a pioneering gay journalist whose efforts helped create a national readership for the Advocate, the long-running gay publication, died June 30 at his home in North Hills. He was 76."
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
links for 2007-04-11
Say what you will about Gallant, but I think we all know Goofus is rough trade on the DL.
Sunday, March 4, 2007
links for 2007-03-04
No longer must I suffer in silence. I have found my people. Perhaps now you understand why (among at least two reasons) I simply cannot go to Toys R Us.
Looks promising as an aid to using del.icio.us, but I'll stick with Pukka, thanks.
Thursday, February 8, 2007
links for 2007-02-08
"...a new and exciting service which offers help to all the men and women out there who don't feel like they are popular enough on social networking sites." (See also Break Your Space, to dump your friends.)
New Orleans by the book: Jonno lines up the pre-Katrina NOLA phone directory next to the newest one. This may be the saddest (and clearest) example of "data visualization" I've ever seen.
Kathryn has updated her fantastic SXSW Music survival guide for 2007. It's a must-read if you're headed to Austin for the shows.
Wednesday, February 7, 2007
links for 2007-02-07
You go, Troy!
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
links for 2007-01-30
"Doctor Who writer Russell T. Davies has targeted pop princess Britney Spears as a desirable guest star to feature in the next series of the science fiction show." No. No no no no no no no no no no no no. Oh hell no. No.
They want you. They want you. They want you as a new recruit.
Dayum! Next time I start to think I have a few too many pieces of antique Apple hardware cluttering up my basement, I'm gonna go back and look at this.
Frakkin' sweet, for the Gaeta moments if nothing else. But there's more. So much more.
Saturday, May 20, 2006
Fudge Packer and Pearl Necklace
Hard to believe this piece is over a year old.
If you build it, they will come. In this case, the "it" is the 24-hour glass cube-topped Apple Store on Fifth Avenue in New York. Here's a time-lapse Quicktime movie (in segments) of the store's first 24 hours.
Oh, come on. Everyone loves a pearl necklace.
Will Billy grow up to be a fudge packer like his dad? Starring Robert Gant, Cady Huffman and Alex Borstein.
Monday, May 8, 2006
Imaginary prequel posters
Some nice ones here. I especially like "Extremely Low Barometric Pressure" and the prequel for "The Italian Job".
Friday, May 6, 2005
Obviously, the gays aren’t big on consensus…Today, after having heard a report on the radio wherein a conservative commentator railed on the evil inherent in the "gay agenda", a friend asked me point-blank: What is this gay agenda I keep hearing about, and who makes it up?
According to Mark Fiore, this is the gay agenda.
On the other hand, according to
Meanwhile, McSweeney's Internet Tendency contends that this right here is the gay agenda.
An alledged homosexual named Doug Neff avers that this is the gay agenda.
And a site called Lusty Devil archives a popular fram message asserting that this is the gay agenda.
So which is it? Who knows? Trust me, as I've long maintained, there's enough shit flying around out there in political circles, there's a reason we call it a civil rights "movement".
Anyway, for my money, when it comes to defining the gay agenda, no one comes close to the elegance and elan of Lance Fucking Arthur who articulates—at length—the gay agenda. Like all good things in life, it's attractively presented, it's all-too-true, it's funny and it's very long: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5.
Wednesday, July 30, 2003
Jesus WEPIs it any wonder I love this man? In a conversation about wireless Internet access, my good friend John averred:
If I had a WEP, or knew what a WEP was, I would name it Jesus, so I would have ample opportunity to say "Jesus WEP".
Monday, August 2, 1999
Um, hey there, Sparky…HOW HOT WAS IT?: McSweeney's serves up a steaming selection of punchlines. It was so hot...
NAUGHTY: An illustration of (one of the many such) double standard the Motion Picture Association (MPAA) has regarding same-sex/opposite-sex onscreen sexual relations and affection.
I LOOKED ALL DAY... for the answer to a relatively simple question I had about AppleScript syntax. No wonder AppleScript is considered one of the Macintosh's best-kept secrets. It's powerful, but damned if you can find the documentation. Dig this funky URL!
POOR LITTLE SINGLE RICH MAN: So there's this guy from Toledo, right? Loaded to the gills. On the search for a wife. Been on the search for a while now. Can't figure out why he's not hooking up with the perfect future missus. To wit:
"Another point I would make: some people think gay rights doesn't hurt anybody, but I would say to be a single male over 40 years old, the gay movement is very hurtfuldefinitely detrimental to my position, because I am a totally heterosexual individual. In the past, I would have gotten credit for that. Today, people say, 'Why aren't you married?' Or, 'Maybe he's gay.'"Um, hey there Sparky: maybe your problem isn't that women think you're gay. Maybe it's that they think you're a backward, Victorian jerk. Eh?
"I will speak personally. I'm a conservative on this matter. I am a tolerant person, but I believe sexuality is a private matter and it should stay private. I do not believe in gay expressions of sexuality in public, period. If someone says, 'Well, that's unfair,' well, I would say, 'O.K., now we can have a 1950's morality as far as heterosexual expression of sexuality.' But I do not believe that gays should be kissing in public. I don't believe in openly homosexual people! It used to be it was a mental illness. Today they think there's some biologicalthe bottom line is, the answer to that would be they're now proving that schizophrenia has a biological basis. You're born with schizophrenia, too, but no one's saying, 'Well, that's normal.'"
Thursday, May 6, 1999
May the Open Source Be With YouIS IT JUST ME? Or is Al "May the Open Source Be With You" Gore's website just the front for a pitiful MLM scheme?
Start out as a Gore 2000 Volunteer On Line Field Organizer, and as you recruit more activists we will be in touch to give you more responsibility for organizing online. Move up the chain of command - Volunteer On Line Deputy Field Directors, Field Directors, Congressional District and Statewide On Line Directors will all be chosen according to their level of involvement.TEMPORAL PHYSICS 101: There's something fundamentally wrong with the universe, methinks. Yesterday, I went to a place called "Jiffy Lube," where it took one hour and forty-five minutes to get my oil changed. Having blown the whole morning thusly, I went to lunch and ordered "slow-roasted" chicken, which arrived (with fries!) five minutes later.
WAYBACK LINKS: Originally featured in The BradLands on June 20, 1998. Feed takes an in-depth look at the selling of the single man in Single White Product. Hmm...maybe I need to convene a focus group myself. Volunteers?
Monday, November 30, 1998
November 30, 1998
THE LOT OF ACTORS: Three people die and find themselves lined up at Heaven's Gate confronted by St. Peter.
"Before you enter, I have one question for each of you," St. Peter says. And he asks the first person in line, "How much money did you make last year?"
"About $400,000," the person says.
"Oh, a doctor," St. Peter says. "Please enter through that door there." St. Peter approaches the next person in line. "How much did you make last year?" he asks.
"About $250,000, give or take a little," the person replies.
"Oh, a lawyer," St. Peter says. "That door right there." Then St. Peter turns to the third person. "And how much did you make last year?"
"$5,164," the person answers.
And St. Peter says, "Have I seen you in anything?"
-- the favorite joke of Colleen Dewhurst
Glorious weather! How hard to believe it's the end of November, especially when the temperatures have pushed up into the 60s each day of the past week. I've spent three leisurely afternoons lounging on the back deck, watching the breeze blowing the leaves around (must rake!) and trying to teach myself Perl.
The latter has been an interesting exploration. HTML coding aside, I haven't done anything remotely resembling programming in quite a few years; I mean, dammit Jim, I'm a writer, not a programmer. Turns out, though, UNIX is like riding a bicycle and writing server scripts in Perl looks to be a dern sight less challenging than in C. I can do without a strenuous mental challenge right now.
More reflections on turning thirty:
In other words, thirty is merely one's 10,957th consecutive failure to eat a truly balanced breakfast. [The Finger]
Weblog fun: I continue to discover and enjoy fellow "pre-surfers" through various links and kismet. Flutterby! has been around a while, and is proving an enjoyable mine for interesting reading, including...
Bowers v. Hardwick redux: There is some speculation that the overturning of Georgia's antique "sodomy law" may not stick. [CNN]
Yay! Let's go to the Belt-Sander Races!
A nice website dedicated to the art of Maxfield Parrish.
Funny Papers: Flutterby! also reminded me that it's been a month or so since I caught up with the folks at User Friendly, a more-Dilbert-than-Dilbert comic set at a small ISP. Recommended daily laffs.
CriticWatch: At least one critic in St. Louis has seen the Dr. Death 60 Minutes segment the rest of the area was denied access to. Rich Byrne sorts out his thoughts. [The Riverfront Times]
Meanwhile, critics across the country are weighing in on the show's decision to run the segment in the first place. [TV Rundown]
My $0.02: I would have liked to have seen the 60 Minutes piece in its entirety. I support the right to choose when one will end one's own life when suffering hopelessly. Kevorkian gives me the creeps. The whole affair is sullied by the fact it took place during the November "sweeps."
Sunday, September 13, 1998
September 13, 1998If only just for today, The BradLands is a safe space on the Internet, free of discussion regarding Bill Clinton, Monica Lewinsky, Kenneth Starr or even hometown favorite Mark McGuire. I can't take anymore. Can you?
I saw Clay Walker in concert at Six Flags last night, maybe the most fun I've had at a show all year, despite the sucky comp seats I was assigned and the fact the show started 35 minutes late. This kid is gonna be better and bigger (in the fame sense) than Garth maybe someday really soon.
<SITENEWS> As a consequence of my crazy schedule, The BradLands hasn't seen much except perhaps weekly refreshing lo these many months. The infrequent summer entries have been moved to the archives (see BradLands Backwash below). I'm trying to do better. Really I am.
I've also adjusted the parameters so that any links you select from this newspage will open in a separate window on your browser for (I think) more convenient surfing.</SITENEWS>
Reminder: St. Louis International Lesbian & Gay Film Festival continues through Thursday at the Tivoli Theatre. COCA welcomes comedian Reno and her film Reno Finds Her Mom today at 5 p.m.
For now, short takes on a few links of interest I've been accumulating...
How long do we, collectively, spend waiting for web pages to load? [New York Times]
<DIGRESS>For various reasons, a significant slowdown in web and general Internet response times was predicted for last Friday. I didn't notice any untoward pauses; did the network strain actually materialize?</DIGRESS>
A nice review of the new Sondheim biography that, IMHO, is a surprisingly sterile treatment that goes pretty far but often not far enough. [Washington Post]
Now here's a sport you don't see on ESPN! Hey kids, let's all go squirrel fishing this weekend (now with RealVideo)!
What?!?! Orlando is still standing? Hmmm...I guess it's OK for gay people to visit DisneyWorld after all. Robert Kirby gives the right-wing a ribbing. [Salt Lake Tribune]
"Idea moguls" sounds like something you'd want to avoid while skiing your id, but it's also the headline on this look at the young turks behind the TV scenes these days. ("Skiing the id?" Jeez, I'm tired.) [Forbes]
Wednesday, August 26, 1998
Young and sexy recreational drug users encouraged to apply.Future-schlock? "The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn." — Alvin Toffler
Sorry, sorry, sorry. Lately my brain just hasn't had all the RAM it needs to run many applications simultaneously, and this website is the process that got dumped. I'll try to do better as my life settles down appreciably for the fall. Your patience over the past couple of weeks is, as always, appreciated.
So, let's clear the cache (short takes on links I've been accumulating):
This web-based guide to, well, everything fancies itself the Earth-bound equivalent of The Hitch-hiker's Guide to the Galaxy, but in recent weeks, it's become less promising as a concept and more of a geek-clique inside joke club. Oh well.
A nice gathering of short pieces and essays by progressive writers, performance artists and assorted others, all bearing Witness.
Esprit descalier gotcha down? Coulda, shoulda, woulda-pangs? Come up too late with the witty or bitchy retort to the devastating personal affront just dealt you? There's hope! So There.
A nice, short profile of writer David Sedaris, bard of the bitter. [LA Weekly]
It happened in Nashville, where he recently appeared on a local variety show. "I was on with somebody who made fish out of scrap metal," he recalls, "and an elderly couple who had just won Fabio's I Can't Believe It's Not Butter Romance Competition. They were in their mid-80s, and they got up there, and they said, 'When we were first contacted with the news that we had won the Fabio's I Can't Believe It's Not Butter Romance Competition, Curtis and I were just floored!' And then, 'We're going next weekend with the other four finalists of the Fabio's I Can't Believe It's Not Butter Romance Competition on a cruise!' And 'On the following Sunday we will announce the final winner of the Fabio's I Can't Believe It's Not Butter Romance Competition!' I was just beside myself. I wanted to ask them, like, 'How many times are you going to say I can't believe it's not butter?'"From the Department of Ridiculous Double-Standards: A Sandy-Eggo newspaper rejected an advertisement for a new movie because the ad contained a picture of two guys apparently about to kiss. Puh-leeze. [San Francisco Examiner]
What's the deal with all of these dreadful lesbian hairstyles? [Washington Post]
I've said it before and I'll say it again (and apparently Jon Carroll agrees with me): the best way to get people to watch local TV news is to make it local and to make damn sure it's news. [San Francisco Chronicle]
Quite fun: A top-notch Matt Drudge parody-portal, The Drudge Retort.
Monica, Schmonica: You want an interesting practicum? Try interning for the King of the Gonzos. Fear and Loathing, indeed. [P.O.V.]
Wanted: Editorial Assistant job description: Must enjoy late-night hot-tubbing, chain-smoking, binge dessert eating, drinking hard alcohol, mixing margaritas and driving large cars in a reckless manner. Should be able to withstand frequent yelling and loud noises, unintelligible rantings, and handle firearms and exploding targets with ease. Knowledge of soft porn a plus. Curiosity about the limits of sleep deprivation helpful. Knowledge of housecleaning and faxing imperative. Young and sexy recreational drug users encouraged to apply.I WANT MY WTV: The Brunchers look at the line-up on the new cable web, White House TV. [Brunching Shuttlecocks]
quotation | humor | television | David Sedaris | Hunter S. Thompson
Tuesday, August 4, 1998
On what? On fire?"Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?" — Rita Rudner
Oh, where to begin, where to begin? Well, first off, an apology to both of my faithful readers for the long hiatus. Work, work and rehearsal for the play have intruded on the time I'd alloted for writing pithy intros to weblinks this past week or so. The show goes up on Thursday, so things should calm considerably. Stay tuned!
Big news on the TV front: I've seldom laughed harder than when watching the British comedy improv "game show" Whose Line Is It Anyway? which used to run here in the States on cable's Comedy Central. Now Drew Carey is bringing the show (and a chunk of its cast) across the pond for a summer tryout on ABC. Woohoo! (Since many of the cast will be Brits, this English-to-English translation guide might be helpful.)
Toaster oven, anyone?: As you know, we homosexuals are a wily breed (ahem!), and hell-bent on converting as many hapless heteros as we can. There's even an incentive program — sort of like S&H Green Stamps. And now, someone besides Ellen DeGeneres has taken note: '98 Homosexual-Recruitment Drive Nearing Goal [The Onion]
Of course, our competition is equally keen on converts to "their side," and it appears their message of E-Z change sexuality is gaining some currency, too: Juice: Make Me a Lesbian [Orlando Weekly]
Wrong Answer: Has this ever happened to you? [Brunching Shuttlecocks]
Philip Michaels is the hands-down funniest smartass on the Web (present company excluded, natch. He even manages to stand (barely) above the rest of The Vidiots, the zany crew who produce TeeVee. You can follow his travails at Philip Michaels: The Loser Chronicles — where his current essay, "Service Economy, My Ass!" is rocking the house, or browse vintage Philip in this early Intertext Your Guide to High School Hate.
Electronic "books" are a bad idea, at least in their current conception, writes Jakob Nielson. I agree that the whole book metaphor is wrong for electronic distribution of literature, but — metaphors aside — you will never get me to give up real live books! Jean-Luc didn't! [Alertbox]
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