When I am the owner of a major consumer electronics retail store

• Customers who ask to see the owner's manual, installation guide or warranty card for any product on display will not be treated as though they have just requested the clerk recite pi to 300 significant digits.
  
• When asked if a product will work with a Macintosh, my employees will not respond by saying, "No, USB only works on PCs."
  
• They will also not ask, "Maybe. Are you running Windows 2000 or Windows ME?"
  
• Challenged to describe the differences between CD-R drives and CD-RW drives, if any of my clerks say simply "Well, CD-RW can do a lot more stuff", I shall bop them on the head with a baseball bat (which I will affectionately refer to as "The real Memory Stick") and then, probably, fire them.
  
• All of the PDAs on display will be real working models, not plastic "non-functioning unit" shells with obviously fake displays. I will also not hide every damned stylus behind the counter, forcing customers to scrawl Graffiti with the nail of the index finger.
  
• Each customer who makes a purchase will be asked once, at most, if they also wish to purchase an extended warranty. If they decline, the clerk will conclude the transaction and wish them a pleasant day.

I will also very probably immediately fail and go out of business because, based on tonight's shopping experiences, clearly I don't know a damned thing about customer service as it is practiced in the modern consumer electronics industry.

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