Instructions For Leaving the Planet

I'M QUACKING UP! So I've been keeping CNN on the television, using their Millennium 2000 (sic) coverage as a more-or-less pleasant background buzz. But, so help me, if they play that damned AFLAC commercial one more time, I'm gonna go out and kick a duck. (According to their website, they've bought 143 30-second spots. I'd swear I've already seen at least 500. Arghhh!)

ROLL OVER...: Of course, a lot of fuss was made about the passage from 1999 to 2000 being an "odometer" observance. The real turn of the millennium is a few months off. But while the great Gregorian odometer was pulling up a few zeroes, my car hit it even bigger. About three hours before midnight, my trusty Saturn racked up its 100,000th mile. The latter will probably cause me more grief over the next year than any Y2K problems could.

...AND GET OFF: On the off chance that some Y2K-related mayhem has made life on this earth somehow impossible and/or intolerable for you personally, you may find it helpful or at least comforting to review these Instructions For Leaving the Planet, which originally appeared in Douglas Adams' The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. (Don't panic!)

GEEK SPEAK: I made some noise early last year about the absurdity of "Y2K" as a catch-all for the coming year. Adapted from geek speak, it's intended to convey Year 2000 in shorthand, but really, "Y2M" would be more appropriate. After all, in computer terminology, a "K" is 1,024 bytes. Even Stef — a staunchly clueless marketing guy — knows that. Looks like we may have to go through all this nonsense again in 2048. [User Friendly]

LOOKING BACK: How did you do on your resolutions last year? Check out the Fray's collection for 1999.

LOOKING FORWARD: My personal goals for 2000, Ya Say Ya Wanna Resolution?

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