Hello from Dennis Hensley

Hello, BradLands visitors. I'm Dennis Hensley, author of the book Screening Party. It's Day Five of my Virtual Book Tour and geez, I'm exhausted, what with all the missed connections, lousy hotel rooms and pushy bookstore managers.

Actually, it's been a real fun thing...although like my Internet nookie buddies, sometimes I wonder if anyone's really out there or is it just all smoke and mirrors? It's real if we make it real.

Since webmaster Brad is such a fan of movie musicals, I thought we could gab a little about that subject. I've enlisted the help of my pals, many of whom attended the screening parties that inspired the book. First to respond to my e-mail, with a veritable barrel full of musical gab is my dear friend Erin Quill. She appears on the front cover of Screening Party, was the major inspiration behind the character of Lauren, and is currently working as an actor in the Broadway hit, Avenue Q. Go see it.

Here's what she had to say, when I suggested folks write me a few lines about movie musicals...

Movie musicals, now we are talking, because I am a gay man trapped in a torch singer's body -- so I can fall in love with myself repeatedly, and yet, never have me.

Hmmmm. I am going to take a stand here and say that Moulin Rouge is NOT, I repeat, NOT a musical -- it is a visual circus. OK, you may disagree, but a compilation montage of pretty vignettes of a "barely hitting the note but who cares we'll fix it in edit, oh wait we didn't" Nicole Kidman and a campy "sort of a Sting thing with maybe a bit of Michael Stipe" Ewan MacGregor does not a musical make. I don't CARE that Sir Elton John thought Ewan could be a big pop star, I would rather watch American Idol and I am SO HARSH in regards to American Idol, because they generally do not pick gifted singers to compete. That's another story. Simon and I would bond like a blintz and an egg creme at Katz's, I tell you.

Now, the confusing part is that the "homo in my bones" part of me really LIKES Moulin Rouge because it's flamboyant and outrageous and caters to the "Faster, bigger, stronger" American in me that likes mini-malls for the convenience. The Aussie in me (dual citizen, dual personalities) just purely is proud that the campiest man in the world -- since Peter Allen died -- is once again, a title held by an Australian. And I'm sure Terrance Mann has a kitschy pair of cha-cha heels to kick up in celebration of that as well. Oh, did I tell you that Hugh Jackman is opening ACROSS THE STREET in The Boy From Oz? SO exciting, we keep taking campy pictures in front of his poster cause everyone's head lines up RIGHT where his CROTCH would be and let me tell you that...nevermind, musicals, I get it.

So what I like to say is that while Moulin Rouge is NOT a movie musical, it is a visual circus, and truthfully, I'm not looking for depth with Baz. I'm sure if you cut him, he would bleed sequins. Or at least his wife would.

Now, the movie musical that they have done latest and greatest is of COURSE, Chicago. Can we even talk about the cantilevered breasts of Queen Latifah? That was kind of genius. The other kind of genius: Catherine ZJ, who the WELSH part of me (confusing I know, sucks to be me as the song goes) really ADORES. I will say it straight -- I ADORE Catherine Zeta Jones, and she damn well CAN "do it alone"!

The two places this film falls flatter than Renee's chest are 1. when Renee starts trying to DANCE (with apologies to Rob Marshall, none of the cutaways really mask the fact that she can't dance) and 2. when Richard GERE is trying to DANCE. It is obviously a stunt tapper, despite many, many publicity stories to the contrary. They really should have used James Naughton who did it in the original Broadway revival, because he is just SMASHING and he shouldn't be stuck playing Ally McBeal's Dad or the dad of one of the other characters that Ally wants to sleep with or WHATEVER that was! JESUS! See how I tied one weirdly anorexic person in with another? I'm so glad she is doing Bridget Jones Part Deux. I think it was at the urging of doctors who said, well either eat or start singing "Rainy Days and Mondays Always Get Me Down".

If we are talking classic movie musicals then my favorites are:

1. Anything with Fred Astaire EXCEPT Finian's Rainbow which was a nightmare of Technicolor madness.

2. On the Town -- Because the people ride in a hole in the ground, and it's joyous!

3. All That Jazz -- Because only Bob Fosse could write his own cinematic epitaph and Ann Reinking is kind of amazingly gorgeous and sympathetic with the longest legs outside of The Kentucky Derby.

4. Kiss Me Kate -- Because Howard Keel is the dreamiest singer of ALL TIME in Movie Musicals and because they SHOT the film for 3-D, but then didn't release it in 3-D, so if you look closely you will see they throw ALL these things to the front, especially in "I Hate Men".

5. Grease -- As a child, I saw it seven times in the theater, made up routines to it in my basement that everyone playing at our house that day HAD to follow and also because I can never go near a RATTLE AND SHAKE without singing "You're the One I Want".

6. Billy Rose's Diamond Horseshoe -- Because it answers that age old question asked by Phil Silvers throughout the picture, "But WHY must the show go on?" And it has REALLY bad acting -- like, Britney Spears bad acting.

Sure there are tons of others, but in Breathtaking Cinemascope and Stereophonic sound (Think PINK!) those are some of my faves. I love all movie musicals, even Paint Your Wagon has some good moments, but the modern movie musicals are finding out what was learned in the 40s and 50s: you need multi-talented people to do musicals, they have to be triple threats -- stunt casting will bite you in the ass -- and there are not enough quick cuts or sound edits to disguise the fact that many of your movie stars today are good at being MOVIE stars, not MOVIE MUSICAL stars.

I wonder who they'll get if Avenue Q ever is made into a movie? Brad Pitt as ROD, our closet gay puppet? Al Pacino as Trekkie Monster? No doubt Renee will be up for Kate Monster, the slightly overweight puppet looking for love.

Ah hell with it, let's watch Xanadu and make t-shirts with iron-ons.

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