Monday, October 23, 2000

What to wear?!

I am suffering through my annual bout of Hallowe'en costume anxiety, a malady familiar to any chronically procrastinating homo. With less than a week remaining before the first masked party of the season, I'm having serious reservations about my ability to pull together an appropriately creative outfit.

I had originally planned a fairly simple -- and in retrospect, pedestrian -- get-up, but last week I had an incredible inspiration for something sublime and witty. Unfortunately, this unquestionably brilliant outfit would require a talented seamstress and at least a month of needlework, so that's right out. I have a second, "safety" costume in mind, one that I can probably pull off in the time alloted, but to truly do it well I really should spend more time on the execution.

I love costumes that are topical and clever. In 1998, my ex-boyfriend and his current boyfriend went as the McGwire Sisters. The Mark McGwire Sisters, in Cardinal pinstripe dresses with matching handbags and underdressed bodysuits bulging in all the right places. In years past, it has required only browsing through a few vintage clothing stores and perusing back issues of Entertainment Weekly for me to come up with a costume that's both urbane and timely.

Last year, for example, I discovered a priest's clerical collar and vest at Hullabaloo, and accessorized it with a hockey goalie's mask to become "Jason Priestly". (Think about it. I'll wait. Get it? Good.) Two years ago, I went as The Village People -- all of them -- with a pastiche of their outfits (jeans, leather jacket and harness, war paint) and a collection of hats (which I swapped throughout the night) including an Indian headdress, hard hat and policeman's cap clipped to my tool belt.

I was discussing my dilemma this weekend with a friend. "What's the scariest thing you can think of?" she asked.

"President George W. Bush," I said, "but I don't think folks would get it if I showed up in just a dark suit and red tie."

"Maybe you could drag an electric chair around with you," she replied. "Put a 'Don't Mess With Texas' bumpersticker on it."

And yes, that's the leading suggestion on my list right now. The clock is ticking toward Saturday night, the first party of the season.