Wednesday, December 20, 2000

The name game

A few years ago, I was standing on the perimeter of the dance floor at Magnolia's chatting with Jeff and Eric as we cruised the disco crowd. The boys spotted a duo across the room and zeroed in on the new meat with laser-like precision.

"Hey," said Jeff, "check out Red-Cap Boy over there."

"Yeah," said Eric, "looks like he and Bubble Buns are an item."

"I can't believe you two," I said. "Every weekend we come here and you always point out some stranger you think is interesting but rather than go over and actually talk to them, you keep your distance and make up nicknames for them. Hell, Eric, you called Jeff 'Peroxide Tragedy' for almost a year before you were introduced at Nathan's birthday party."

Jeff turned to Eric, piqued. "Peroxide Tragedy?"

"That was during the unfortunate phase when you thought you looked like Bryan Adams," Eric said.

"Those guys look like they're new in town," I said. "No one else is talking to them. I'm going to go over there and show them some hospitality." Neither of them heard me, however, Jeff now strenuously insisting that his "tasteful highlights" hardly constituted a tragedy. Although I considered my point well made, I sincerely doubted either of them could appreciate it.

I wandered through the gyrating crowd on the dance floor to where the newcomers were perched along a rail near the window and stuck out my hand. "Hi," I said, "I'm Brad. You guys looked like you might want some help getting the lay of the land." (I winced at my unintended and potentially misunderstood pun.)

"I'm Jay," said Red-Cap Boy, "and this is my buddy Michael." He gestured toward Bubble Buns with his beer bottle. "Seems like it's a little hard to get to know folks here."

"It can be," I said, grinning and signalling for another round of drinks. "But now you know me."

"We saw you earlier," Michael said, nodding toward where I'd been standing with Eric and Jeff. "We thought about coming over to talk, but it looked like you were pretty involved with Gym Tits and Blondie."