Wednesday, August 29, 2001

In which I use the word “dongle”…

It's done, finished, over and out. In my line of work, it's axiomatic that "done is better than perfect," and tonight's presentation — the result of three weeks at hard labor slaving over a steaming pile of digital video and audio to cull eight brilliant minutes — certainly proved that rule. A few tips for those with corporate presentations looming in their future:

• Allow twice as much time to assemble the multimedia portion of your talk as you think you'll need. Then double it. Add four days. That should be almost enough.


• Have a dress rehearsal. No, seriously: put on a dress, preferably something like Jennifer Lopez would wear to the Grammys. It will prepare you for feeling naked and vulnerable during the actual presentation.


• Don't leave home without your dongle. No, seriously: If you don't routinely carry every variety of monitor cable, gender changer, triple tap, three-wire adapter and RCA audio wire, you're in for a world of hurt. (Plus side: The union electricians will learn some new swear words from you.)


• Finally, and perhaps most importantly: If you're using a new suite of video editing software and you want to experiment with its features before you receive the actual footage you'll be using, do not use porn as the sample footage. The Chi Chi LaRue corollary to Murphy's Law states you'll mix up the tapes at the optimally awkward moment.