Monday, February 12, 2001

Embarrassing Photographs of Brad on Official Documents

SECOND IN A SERIES. COLLECT THE WHOLE SET. TRADE THEM WITH YOUR FRIENDS!



This is my recently expired driver's license, the last Missouri license I actually had to wait to receive. Up until a couple of years ago, you visited the Department of Revenue, completed your paperwork, they snapped a picture and put a temporary extension sticker on your current license. Then, about two weeks later, you received your new license in the mail. I always greeted that envelope with the same sort of vague dread I reserved for off-season letters from the IRS, because while I knew the photo would be wretched, the degree of its awfulness was always a surprise. These days, you get your new license 1-2-3 easy-peasy; they just take the picture and it's automagically transferred to your new permit. If it's a particularly slow day at the office, they'll even allow you a second chance.

This one was, by far, the best license picture ever taken of me, which isn't saying a great deal. It was a relief to retire finally the Brad-with-a-mullet look that resulted from the rubber band binding my ponytail busting minutes before the preceding license photo was taken, but what the hell is going on with my neck? It's like eight feet long! Ah, weight: 115 pounds, how I miss ye.

Next week: Would you let this man into your country?