Thursday, November 01, 2001

An excerpt from personal correspondence, November 1, 1994

...I am making a beginning, a recovery and reconciliation of my heart and mind that will take all of my strength and will to accomplish. I have to do it.

I keep reminding myself — as you’ve more than once advised — that there was a time before I felt this way and that there will be a time, however distant, when I will regain some of what it seems I have lost or misplaced of myself. That it has taken me this much of my life to feel — to be able to feel or to allow myself to feel — this way about another person is frustrating and a little sad to me.

But I guess it’s also a bit like opening Pandora’s proverbial box: now that I know I can really, truly feel this way, I can hope that someday I will again and for another who actually feels the same in kind.

I'm not quite ready to declare "mission accomplished," but I am pleased to say that, albeit seven years later, I feel fit enough to return to active duty.