Wednesday, July 24, 2002

A Conversation From the Bar Scene

The Giant Queen: Where have you been?! You were supposed to meet us two hours ago.

Jeff: I have just met the man of my dreams. The man I'm going to spend the rest of my life with. I am in love!

GQ: Splendid. This is Damon, who has come to us all the way from Atlanta --

Damon: Alabama.

GQ: -- whatever. He'll be attending school here in the fall. Damon, this is Jeff.

Jeff: Didn't you hear me? I've fallen in love.

Brad: Jeff...

Jeff: Sorry. (shakes Damon's hand) It's a pleasure, I'm sure. It's just a pity a pretty young thing such as yourself had to fall in with this bitter crew.

GQ: I hope you'll excuse Jeff, dear. He often mistakes rug burns for love's fire.

Brad: Oh boy.

Jeff: I will have you know that this is quite serious. Just because you can't get laid to save your--

Erik: So! Where did you meet this wonderful man?

Jeff: At the gym, of all places! He's a personal trainer, charming, blonde, built like a marble shit-house. We met by the free weights -- I had just finished my workout -- and started chatting. Well, right away I knew there was a connection. I'm telling you, this is the one! I just came by to tell you all I couldn't stay for drinks. I'm meeting James at the Coffee Cartel in a few minutes.

Brad: James is the guy?

Jeff: Yes! James. (pause) Jason? (pause) No, James!

GQ: (rolls eyes)

Jeff: Anyway, I've got to go. Damon, run while you can. Erik, call me. Ta!

Erik: Huh. Who knew?

GQ: Oh, please. He's not in love. He can't even remember the boy's name. He's headed for caffiene and a quickie, that's all.

Brad (to Damon): You get used to this.

Erik: No, I mean who knew Jeff actually worked out at the gym? I thought he just hung out in the steam room.

Damon: So maybe he's mistaking love's fire for hot tile.

Brad: (spit take)

GQ: Oh, Damon. You are going to fit in around here just fine.